All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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