you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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