Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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