your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
