Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
