i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
