she woke up with a sticky ear
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
