if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
