Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
