Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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