Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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