This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
