First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
