8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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