she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you had me at cake vodka
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
