Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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