Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Buhtt sex?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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