So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
