That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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