All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
