ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
