I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
