I wannas sexs uuuuu
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Houston, we have a blender
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
