thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
