dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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