I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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