We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
