I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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