I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
