what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize