I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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