I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
