that's an acceptable place to lick
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
