im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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