my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
that is very illegal...i love you.
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