Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
