oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
