i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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