Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
