just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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