Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You're like the curious george of whores
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
