found the other keg... it's in the tree
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He better not be in your backpack
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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