Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i believe in u and ur pee
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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