So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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