But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
