All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
