I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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