the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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