I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
