tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We don't watch enough power rangers
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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