I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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