My girlfriend figured out who you are.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
