Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
