Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
