God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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