Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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