Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
