I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
