I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize