That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
