She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
