There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
