U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
