What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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