This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
