Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
