Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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