You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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