Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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