Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
