Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
